In the pursuit of craziness

Craziness to me is the ability to be uniquely free, totally myself without fearing what others say or think of me. Its taken a long Journey so far to get to the point of appreciating who I am as an individual.

Last night I remembered the moment when my daughter was five years of age and met my then boss/employer for the first time, she simply stated in all the innocents of a child….’My mom’s Crazy!’ my bosses reply with a broad smile while looking at me was, ‘when did you get out?’ He was thankfully a lawyer with a great sense of humour.

Before I started working at his firm I was a wife, a mother and a bit of a lost soul. My world got altered when at 17 I fell pregnant with the child of my high school sweetheart and proceeded against the advice of my family (like all teens) to get married. I, like so many thought with love all things can be ‘fixed’ you cant fix a broken and beautiful disaster of a soul if they are not willing to be helped. My sweetheart was a man whose ability to love with fire and passion was as intense as his red hot temper. Needless to say life was lived on a floor made of egg shells with temporary respites of cushioned clouds. We lived life and I do have cherished memories but in all of it I was so busy pretending on most days that I lost the ability to be the self I had been discovering as an early teen.

Then one night the world spun and I was left with the tatters of bare coloured strings, the tapestry of the life I knew had been shredded. We went from a family of 4 to just 3 and I was left to be a mom and dad. For months I struggled to find my feet, thankfully I have an amazing family that’s support I am forever grateful for. In those months I regained parts of myself and started to explore. The poetry that had been silent for years flowed and I began to paint again.

Tenderly at first I walked toward the crazy side. The law firm I worked at was not one that’s clients came to the office often, we dealt with corporates mostly. There with my Crazy Cuzz at my side I blossomed into the new me. There were days of Henna tattoos (I now have real ones) and bare feet as I joined in on awareness campaigns. Days of open umbrellas down indoor staircases….in my defense I really didn’t want the debris from the renovations landing in my hair 🙂   so when my little pink whirlwind made her statement it didn’t come as a surprise to my boss. Being who I am though, the legal world was not mine and eventually we parted ways but I will remember those moments and people dearly.

The journey is a continuing one and since those days I have grown more and more. I have made many mistakes and have gained friends and lost some. In life as they say, everyone passes through for a reason, some stay and others are for a season. Today I journey through life with my two gorgeous children and an amazing man who I am blessed to say loves every one of my quirks, some days he laughs and shakes his head saying, ‘you’re so cute’ other days he’s leading the crazy train 😀  My family are by my side still, another blessing, and I have a small but treasured group of friends who are more like family.

A poem I wrote a few months ago about the Journey thus far.

Life’s Journey

To the ones that I have loved
And the ones that I have lost
To the ones that left and the ones I let go
Through all these years
And all these tears
Through the births of precious children
And the deaths of those I have held so dear
To friends and to family
To the lovers and the foes
Each of you have brought to life
Many lesson’s, blessings and some of you strife.
I still thank you all
No matter what your role
For each moment
Be it pain, joy or peace
That has led me to be exactly as I was meant to be

 

 

 

Advertisements

Madness on a Monday

Picture if you will, a quiet suburban street, 4 seemingly calm 20 somethings, one wielding a monstrosity of a camera, zoom lens included and 2 deceptively older more ‘respectable’ ladies, all innocently standing on the side of the road. While a Bearded Biking heart stopper (I may be biased on that one 🙂 but its still true) rides by. All seems pretty normal, until you really stop and watch.

My cousins youngest is studying photography and she needed a shot of a biker riding by. Now please keep in mind that we are all above the age of 18, and the silliest of us in the group, all above 30! So we embark on a pavement adventure, roadside mayhem if you will. Culprit number 1, queue ‘Bearded Biker man’, second in command is me ”Madness Milly and by no means least is the ‘Crazy Cuzz’. Needless to say the neighbors and general population did not know what to make of us.

So here we are, all of us standing waiting for the Bike to come round the block in order for Little Cuzz to get the shot (there were a few of these wait moments). Boredom and an imaginative mind inevitably leads to fun. There was road sleeping, crazy slow motion “speed” chasing (I was referred to as a Gazelle, not quite sure if that’s a good thing) and frozen Kung Fu. That was just us two ‘respectable’ ladies. The 20/20 gang played ‘race wars’, ‘shoe tossing’ and ‘butt jiggle’. Bearded Biker Man was in the beginning just a rider going by, over and over and over…. until he too got bored. At one point he had Little Cuzz in such stitches with his rip off of a speed racer meets  horse jockey (picture protruding butt and tank hugging at low speeds) that she forgot to switch her camera on. A moment, I might add, I doubt we will let her live down. All in all there are some epic photo’s for our memories and we all had sore Abs from the laughter. Yes, she did get the shot in between all the fun. I think we gave people driving by something to talk about too.The day was ended off with a great Braai /Barbecue and stunning conversations all educing more laughter.

Sitting reminiscing about all the times we have just played and lived in the past few years reminds me how important it is to shrug off our concern for what people think of us. To shrug off the ‘boxes’ and labels society puts us all in. The expectations  that we are to be ‘grown up’. I think the phrase ‘grown up’ is misinterpreted, it’s not about conforming, fitting in and being all ‘business’. Its about wise choices in life and respectfulness. In the end we need to remember to have fun, be unique and play. What matters is not how others view you or ‘fitting in’. Its about finding those people in life that let you be you,  the ones that love your quirks and appreciate the colour you can bring into their lives.

Remember if you change who you are for the world, you will never meet the kindred souls you were meant to touch, inspire and be inspired by.  You will have cheated yourself out of knowing true success. The success of a fulfilled, happy and unique life being yourself.

 

A Final Farewell to a Fellow Biker

Dear Soul

Today’s your heavenly birthday. One year ago today God took your breath and called you home. One year ago today you were born into perfection, healed of all that ailed you and embraced into the arms of your Savior while a thousand Angels sang of your return and a thousand others wept for the pain of those left behind. For a year now you have known the bigger picture, watched as God held those below in his warm embrace. You do not feel any pain and know only peace and love now, a small gift they now cherish.

I did not get the chance to know you as they did and my heart feels sad for that. However, through the words and the hearts of those left behind I know the parts of you they cherished.

A man of worth. One who loved and inspired laughter and joy. A man who always had time to help and teach others.  A beautiful soul that touched the lives of all he met. You were not perfect but that made you all the more you, all the more loved.

You have left a hole in the lives of so many, a hole that will be filled with cherished memories and the love you left. You have left a legacy that will live on in every heart by the stories they share, the tears, the laughs and the pictures that have captured you. Pictures that those of us who did not get the chance to know you can see, the laughter in your smile, the love in your eyes and the warmth of your face. We see the joy of those who got to be beside you.

One day we shall all sit at the table up there and enjoy the view you now have, but until then, dear soul, know you are thought of and loved by those left behind.

P.S. I know why you loved them so, they are jaw droppingly great. I love ‘em too. Crazy crowd! Enjoy it up there riding the heavenly highway and we’ll meet up when I get there. Until then, I’ll watch out for them for you while I am here.

20130413_165515

Life and a Mielie eating Hamster

Life’s full of hustle and bustle. Stress seems to be the order of the day slugged down with a caffeine fix and a muffin to keep us going. We get trapped in a ‘get up and go’ mentality forgetting all the small things that can make us smile, those things that really make the soul happy.

So when we decided to get 2 tiny little hamsters as the new family pets (gardens too small for a Steffie just at the moment) little did we realize how much of an impact they would have.

We set about filling their cage with sawdust and attaching all their toys and tunnels ( I swear if I was a Hamster i would get lost, I am severely directionally challenged) added the Hamsters and the little critters seem to love it. We left them to settle in and carried on with life. Ever so slowly though we would each find ourselves sitting in front of the cage just staring, watching little paws scurry, laughing at stuffed cheeks full of food and ‘ahhhing…’ at how they sit with teeny paws wrapped around a single kernel eating. (seriously I think we looked like total and utter goofs)

That night as we lay trying to fall asleep (those with busy lives and brains that don’t switch off will understand, it’s a process) The air cool and life quiet, we hear the methodical squeaks of the hamster wheel, every so often it stopped then it went again. We burst out laughing! Such an ordinary and mundane sound but it just tickled the soul.

The next day I realized, how busy everything gets, how stressed life really is.

When something so simple can bring such fun so unexpectedly and just how good it feels to just laugh. Its a treasure. Joy can be found in so many places if we just still our racing minds and shut out life’s “noise”

Its important to realize that in all our efforts to survive we still need to live, and its not by how much stuff we can accumulate or how grand our paycheck is. Yes it feels great to achieve success but its the little things that really matter. Those are the moments we will play in our minds when we go. Those are what we leave behind in our legacy.

The memories we make with special friends and family. The jokes and hugs.  How the hand of your lover feels in yours. A heart beat under your palm, the twinkle of your child’s laughing eyes. The touch of the wind on your cheek as the sun colors the sky with a palette of orange and red. The soft and quiet moments just spent being you.

Then as you lay awake at night and hear the soft breathing of all those you love so safe and asleep, you must know you are rich, because you will realize the most precious thing, you get to spend another day with their beautiful souls.

 

 

Sunday FlapJacks with a side order of Judgment

So ever sat and really watched the people around you?

Last Sunday we were child free and decided to take the Bike out for a ride and a cuppa.

Stopped off at a small coffee shop we have frequented many times. Usually we climb out of our “ordinary” car in our “everyday” clothes with kids flowing behind us. No one bats an eye or makes a move. Its just a family out for coffee.

This time though we climbed off our motorcycle, kitted in gear, same hairdo, same clothes underneath, difference though….. the world around us, the peoples reactions. Donning Bike gear had suddenly morphed us in the view of some into less than savory characters. Where before we were viewed as the suburban family we were now being viewed as a threat.

Fair to say it was only a few, some gave us smiles and general good natured “hello’s” some even looked longingly at the bike, but as I watched, as I often do, a couple at one table viewed us skeptically. They were seated in a corner next to an empty table at the windows. Other couples on either side of them. The lady at the table watched us approach. As we sat down next to them at the vacant table she picked her bag up and moved it to a chair on the opposite side of where we sat. Normally I wouldn’t have thought much of it, but as I sat and we waited for our coffee and flapjacks, I noticed her keep peering at us, whispering to her man. Then she moved seats to the opposite side.

I am not writing this to complain or say we were treated unfairly. Its just that it happens so often in life in so many aspects of it. I sat and thought about life and I realized how much we humans judge others based on their appearance. How we categorize people by their life choices and hobbies. We judge based on looks and body image preferences.

Yes, ok, I live in South Africa and it has crime, people get scared and paranoid. The world has crime. No where is better off or “greener”.  Each area has its problems to face, but why must we single out an entire group of individuals based on an experience or a story featuring one person who just happened to have even just one thing in common with the rest of them. Worse yet is when as people we base our judgment on hearsay. Being hijacked by a blue Golf 1 doesn’t mean every Blue Golf 1 driver is bad, we know this. People will tell you its common sense. However Bikers and people with piercings and tattoos are labeled as rowdy, trouble makers, and yes… some are! Just like some people who drive cars are.

Most bikers are however no different from your friends and family. Law abiding people with families and jobs, some technicians, artists, doctors and lawyers. Some tattooed and some not. Just as we should not label based on gender and race, so we should not label based on body image and hobbies. Each individual person should be given the benefit of being judged on their own merits, character and individual behavior. Fair to say we can be careful and cautious, but at least allow the individuals that cross your path in life to be given fair opportunity to prove who they are before you label them. You never know, by changing your view you may just find a host more friends you have more in common with than you realized.

IMG_98065052661528

Photo of a Charity event we attended with a group of bikers.